The Calls

When people find out that I am an EMT, they always ask for my weirdest stories. I don’t know why. Sure weird things happen almost every day. But don’t weird things happen at your job too? Everybody has an idiotic coworker that does things like stick metal in the microwave or calls IT because the company firewall is preventing him from looking at porn. You’re probably aren’t bound by HIPPA privacy laws, either.

I’ve got some FMF stories that would make you puke. There’s the idiotic stuff that you would expect from guys who get really bored and don’t have any of the usual outlets, and then the other stuff, the terrible things that happen to people in combat. I am not going to tell you that stuff because those aren’t my stories. They’ll tell you themselves for the price of a beer.

I don’t get a lot of those people sticking things in their butts or getting their hands stuck in things calls. People tend to get themselves to the ER themselves if they can in those situations, rather than invite a huge audience to their house. But we do often get called for people stuck in things. We have absolutely had to bring in bolt cutters to free people from their headboards. There have been loads of others stuck in spaces they really should not have fit (my buddy calls these calls Winnies, after the bear), and all kinds of weird scenarios. People should definitely think twice before enacting some of their more interesting fantasies, that is for sure.

One of my more memorable calls happened last year. This genius decided he was going to jump off his roof onto a trampoline, and then leap from there into a pool. If he had made it, it would have been pretty epic. However, he did not. He didn’t even make it onto the trampoline. He was drunk and so were his idiot friends. We were trying to stabilize his legs (the tibia was sticking out of one, and both his ankles were at really unnatural angles) but his friends were all filming him and laughing. They started calling him “air ball” and that made the guy cry. So, the multiple fractures, all kinds of bruises and abrasions, and who knows what kind of internal damage, yet his friends calling him stupid nickname is what made the guy cry. Between the idiocy of the whole stunt and the taunting of his friends, that call really stands out in my head.

Besides the drunk people and the car accidents, there’s always a lot of people maiming themselves with power tools and lawn equipment. Never a dull moment around here, I tell you.